Born a Crime - Trevor Noah was born during apartheid in South Africa to a black mother and white father, which was illegal. - He grew up in a world where interracial relationships like his parents’ were rare. Transcript: Trevor Noah Regain a massive following for his humorous yet incisive take on politics and society. I was born to a black mother and a white father in South Africa at a time when it was illegal in the country. They were scared the police were going to take me away. And then my mother met my stepfather. And it became an unsafe household. Your mother had been shot point blank in the head by this man yeah and from that day onwards everything changes you arrive in america to pursue your dream as being as comedian you are very Steven Bartlett Hard working to say the least which led to you being the host of the daily show but it didn’t go so well at first it was absolutely terrible people would just be like go back to where you came Trevor Noah From death threats it was really hard but i persevered and i would get home at 9 p.m work until midnight get back to the office at 7 the next day and do it all over again and then the daily show Went on to become a smash hit but i had made my life about work and i had made everything else secondary and to be honest with you a lot of people are doing this we’ve neglected connection And i think we’re experiencing a generation of men in particular who are not just isolated but not practiced in the arts of connecting and it’s affecting society now So those men that Are struggling, where do they need to start? This is a lesson that I’ve learned if you’re struggling with this. So you… Steven Bartlett Trevor what are the most important things that I need to understand about your earliest years to understand the man that sits in front of me today well that’s that’s a tough one because Trevor Noah I I feel like my perception of what the most important things are may not be the most important things I could say it would be my sense of humor, and then it might be where the sense of humor Comes from, which might be my family or my country. It might be which schools I went to. It might be where I’ve lived or where I’ve traveled to. It’s one of those, if you ever try to break down food or something that you consume and you go like, what is the most important ingredient? What are the ingredients that really make it what it is? And it’s like, is it the crunch? Is it the acid? Is it the salt? Is it the fat? What is it? I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know. If I knew, then I would be able to either create more of me or maybe like, you know, figure out which parts I want to tweak. But I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. Steven Bartlett I often think of everyone that I meet, but also myself through the context of like, I guess a similar analogy, like a set of ingredients that came together that were then put into an oven And like the heat was turned on and we were baked. Not to say that we can’t be changed after that moment but um what are those ingredients so my mother south african and hossa woman uh my father swiss from switzerland but was living in Trevor Noah South africa so those are those are the parental ingredients you know my grandmother i think is a key ingredient because i spent a lot of time with her as a young child my grandfather was A crazy, funny man, was bipolar, but we didn’t know at the time. I think we knew towards the end of his life, but it made him wildly entertaining. Yeah, it’s an interesting and tough one, you know, because I often think, as much as we’re baked to what you’re saying, I think that we’re baked, but then we are very much a product of the People that we then come into contact with. So I think of most people sort of like a sponge cake. Most cakes are very basic, most of them. And then what really makes them special is what the baker does to them afterwards. But the fundamental cake is pretty much the same. And I think people are like that. Yeah, there’s certain things, you know, like the color of our skin and tone of voice and all of that. But then I think it’s everyone we come into contact with that gives us the icing, that gives us the shape, that gives us the dynamic texture that makes us who we are, you know? And so I, strangely enough, I feel like it’s all of these people that I was lucky enough or unlucky enough to bump into that gave me a little bit of that texture and shape. And I think that’s the same for everyone, you know? That’s probably why I’m so conscious of choosing my friends. Because I think that’s me actively choosing the people who are going to keep shaping me as I live my life. Steven Bartlett I’ve seen you on TV. I’ve seen you all over the place over the last 10 years of my life. But I had no idea of your early context. I had no idea. And it’s funny because sometimes you kind of see, I don’t know, domino 35 in all these dominoes that fall. But those early dominoes, I think, often lead a lot of clues as to the domino 35 that we see. Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely. So for someone that might not know your earliest context, like I didn’t, what do they, what should they know to understand you? Trevor Noah So, I mean, you know, first of all, I was, I was born and raised in South Africa, right? I was born in 1984. So that was, you know, six years before apartheid ended, born to a black mother and a white father at a time when it was illegal in the country. And it was strangely unique, you know, I guess because it was illegal, you know. So I grew up in a world where I didn’t see many people like me who had my background.

Trauma Perception - Trauma perception is relative to individual experiences. - People can have similar emotional responses to different types of trauma, such as physical violence versus verbal abuse. - An unsafe home environment, whether due to physical or emotional factors, can create lasting impacts. - Many adults carry the effects of childhood trauma related to feeling unsafe, regardless of the specific form it took. - Trevor Noah’s conversations with therapists and psychologists highlighted this connection between diverse experiences and a shared sense of an unsafe household. Transcript: Trevor Noah And this is the weird thing about the mind, right? Is I find whenever I speak to, I mean, like brilliant thinkers and, you know, the therapists and, you know, psychologists and all these people, what I find fascinating is how sometimes Your traumas or your perception of your traumas is directly proportional to what you lived in your life. So in a weird way, you might have the exact same experience that I have. It’s just that mine might have been more physical. Does that make sense? It’s an interpretation, right? I’m always fascinated by that. Like by how I can connect with somebody where in their house, it was more about like fighting and bickering and people saying things to each other and shouting. And I didn’t grow up in that kind of house. But then I’ve met people who did. And we seem to be kindred spirits because we’ve both experienced fundamentally an unsafe household, you know, the

Trevor Noah’s Key Ingredients - Trevor Noah discusses the key ingredients that shaped him, acknowledging the challenge of pinpointing the most influential factors. - He mentions his parents (South African Xhosa mother and Swiss father), grandmother, and his bipolar grandfather. - He emphasizes the impact of people encountered throughout life, likening individuals to sponge cakes whose textures and shapes are molded by subsequent interactions. Transcript: Steven Bartlett Not to say that we can’t be changed after that moment but um what are those ingredients so my mother south african and hossa woman uh my father swiss from switzerland but was living in Trevor Noah South africa so those are those are the parental ingredients you know my grandmother i think is a key ingredient because i spent a lot of time with her as a young child my grandfather was A crazy, funny man, was bipolar, but we didn’t know at the time. I think we knew towards the end of his life, but it made him wildly entertaining. Yeah, it’s an interesting and tough one, you know, because I often think, as much as we’re baked to what you’re saying, I think that we’re baked, but then we are very much a product of the People that we then come into contact with. So I think of most people sort of like a sponge cake. Most cakes are very basic, most of them. And then what really makes them special is what the baker does to them afterwards. But the fundamental cake is pretty much the same. And I think people are like that. Yeah, there’s certain things, you know, like the color of our skin and tone of voice and all of that. But then I think it’s everyone we come into contact with that gives us the icing, that gives us the shape, that gives us the dynamic texture that makes us who we are, you know? And so I, strangely enough, I feel like it’s all of these people that I was lucky enough or unlucky enough to bump into that gave me a little bit of that texture and shape. And I think that’s the same for everyone, you know? That’s probably why I’m so conscious of choosing my friends. Because I think that’s me actively choosing the people who are going to keep shaping me as I live my life.

Childhood Reality - A child’s reality is shaped by their parents, so Trevor Noah didn’t initially perceive his world as strange. - He later realized the insidious nature of apartheid, which categorized people based on skin shade. Transcript: Trevor Noah So I was lucky. I was lucky in that I think at least on the surface, I didn’t feel it. You know, because one of the most important things I’ve learned from my upbringing is a child’s reality, for the most part, is defined and created by their parents or their caregivers. So I didn’t know that my world was strange. I didn’t know that my mother wasn’t legally allowed to have me. To understand the apartheid system, I always try and break it down for people. People think of racism and they go like, oh, okay, it’s racism. And I’m like, no, it’s a much more insidious system that was designed to oppress people based on the color of their skin.

Navigating Public Life - Trevor Noah’s mother pretended to be his nanny in public to avoid suspicion due to their interracial dynamic. - Being seen with his father in public was impossible due to apartheid laws. Transcript: Steven Bartlett So you weren’t allowed to be seen in public with your mother? No, no, no, no, not at all. And you weren’t allowed to be seen in public with your father? No, no. Trevor Noah My mom, so when I, when I’d go out in public with my mom, she would, she would, I don’t even know where she came up with this, but she would act like she was supposed to be with me, but not related To me. You know, so she would, she would up as, you know, everyone has different words for these in different countries, but like nanny, maid, domestic worker. And she would just act like she’s my caretaker, you know. So it would look like my parents, I guess, have hired her to look after me. And so that’s how she’d move seamlessly with me in the streets, because nobody would suspect it. Couldn’t be with my father at all in public.

Trevor Noah’s Mother’s Clever Strategy - In Apartheid-era South Africa, Trevor Noah’s mixed-race heritage meant he couldn’t be seen in public with his parents. - To navigate this, his mother devised a clever strategy. - When out with Trevor, she pretended to be his nanny or caretaker. - This allowed them to move around without raising suspicion, as no one would assume they were mother and son. - Being with his father in public was completely out of the question. Transcript: Trevor Noah Public with my mom, she would, she would, I don’t even know where she came up with this, but she would act like she was supposed to be with me, but not related to me. You know, so she would, she would up as, you know, everyone has different words for these in different countries, but like nanny, maid, domestic worker. And she would just act like she’s my caretaker, you know. So it would look like my parents, I guess, have hired her to look after me. And so that’s how she’d move seamlessly with me in the streets, because nobody would suspect it. Couldn’t be with my father at all in public. That was just out of the question. Steven Bartlett Second ago, you said you didn’t feel this environment, or at least you didn’t feel these things to some degree. I sat with a guy called Gabor Mate. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Gabor. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. And one of the things Gabor talked to me about from his early childhood was this moment when he was younger, where because he was Jewish, his, I believe he was Jewish, his mother had to Give him up just for a couple of days, two or three days, because the Nazis were going to come and take her away. So she thought, to save him, I’ll give him up. It turned out she was okay. So she went back and got him. Now he cites that moment of trauma of losing his mother just for a little while, as being really pivotal to his life, but also in the development of his ADHD. Right. And a lot of his sort of internalized shame. And when he said that to me, I was quite shocked that even a couple of days away from a parent, a subtle feeling of neglect at such a young age. Shame into his soul, but

Impact of Domestic Violence on Children - The effects of domestic violence on children are complex and difficult to fully comprehend, even with professional help. - It’s a theoretical understanding, not a concrete fact, with various potential causes and consequences. - Growing up in a home with domestic violence is one of the worst experiences for a child. - Parents are seen as the most powerful figures, and witnessing violence against them, especially the mother, shatters a child’s understanding of the world. - It’s something that requires ongoing work and therapy to process and understand its lasting impact. Transcript: Trevor Noah It’s not, it’s not a fact. It’s like, we think that this, and this could be because, and this could cause, and therefore that could be, you know, and, and, and we have brilliant minds who think on what this does And how it creates. But man, I will never take for granted what it was like for myself and for any other kid who’s experienced it growing up in a home where there’s domestic violence. Like it’s one of the worst things you experience because you live in a world where your parents are like the president in a weird way. You know, when you’re a child, your parents are the most powerful beings you know. In your head, no one is more powerful than them. And if you ever have the, you know, the terrible fortune of seeing your parents, most times your mother, being in a position where she’s being violently harmed. I mean, it rocks your fundamental understanding of what the world is, you know? So for me, I mean, that’s something I still deal with in therapy today, you know, because I’m always trying to chip away and trying to understand what is still on me and what is calloused That I don’t wish to be and then what is too soft or what is, like I’m always trying to understand it because I don’t think there’s one concrete answer for what the experience does to you. Is there anything still

Steven Bartlett’s Childhood Trigger - Steven Bartlett learned about himself through triggers as an adult, connecting feelings to past experiences. - He pursued a woman for three years, and when she finally agreed to a relationship, he felt like he did as a child watching his parents fight. - This feeling of impending doom mirrored his childhood experience of watching his mother scream at his father, making him feel trapped. Transcript: Steven Bartlett We’re just experiencing an unsafe environment. I only really learned about myself in this context through my triggers as an adult and then kind of matching the cards. There’s this game where you like match the cards together and go snap. And it was, you know, me pursuing a young lady, the young lady turning to me after me trying to get her to date me for like three years and be like, let’s be in a relationship. And then the feeling I got matched the feeling I had when I was like six or seven and I watched my mother screaming in my father’s face. I was like, and that happened enough times, me avoiding romantic relationships. Oh, that’s fascinating. Rejecting everyone. And the minute of connection, the minute where we were about to form a relationship, right, right. Oh, this is that feeling from my childhood. They’re the same thing. How did you match them? Because the way I would describe the feeling was impending prison time.

Trevor Noah’s Avoidance of Relationships - Steven Bartlett pursued a woman for three years before she agreed to a relationship. - This triggered a childhood memory for him of his mother screaming at his father and his father passively enduring it. - This memory led Bartlett to avoid romantic relationships, rejecting anyone he felt a connection with to avoid the same feeling. - Trevor Noah related, but noted their perspectives differed: he avoids relationships to prevent hurting others, while Bartlett avoids them to avoid being hurt. Transcript: Steven Bartlett They’re the same thing. How did you match them? Because the way I would describe the feeling was impending prison time. It’s the only time of my life for it. Oh, man. I’ve seen like prison time was watching my father sit there passively as he was screamed at and thinking, why doesn’t this guy leave? Why is he with her? And so that’s kind of where I formed the hypothesis. Trevor Noah And once had something to aim at I could resolve it and I resolved it wow but I don’t know no that’s interesting you see yeah on my side it was the other way around it’s like I think you know I think when I looked at how I saw relationships and love in that way I never saw it as a prison, but in a similar way, I think in a way that informed my avoidance, it was more me realizing I Don’t have an opportunity or I’ll never have an opportunity to hurt you if I don’t fully give to you. That’s why I say we can be in the same boat, but realize we have different tickets that brought us here. The outcome is the same, but we sort of end up in the same place. And so in my world, I’m without a doubt, think that seeing a relationship where somebody was hurt because they allowed somebody into their lives affected my ability to allow people Into my life because I was like, oh, if that happens to me, then what happens? Are you a prisoner? Like, are you

Trevor Noah’s Childhood and Hypersensitivity - Trevor Noah’s childhood experiences with domestic abuse and alcoholism made him hypersensitive. - He became adept at predicting negative events, like fights at parties, and removing himself from those situations. - This hypersensitivity stemmed from witnessing the normalization of violence and feeling unsafe, leading him to anticipate and avoid potential harm. - He recounts a specific incident where he received a call about his mother being shot and instantly knew who was responsible. Transcript: Trevor Noah So the world thinks this is normal. Then, you means the world won’t keep me safe either. Does that make sense? Steven Bartlett You went through something that, again, really, really horrific, and you got a phone call one day that your mother had been shot by this man. Trevor Noah Yeah. Steven Bartlett And she’d been shot point blank in the head by this man. Yeah. How old were you then? 20s when this happened. Trevor Noah Let me think. No, I was in my, I was closer to my 30s because my younger brother was old enough-ish to drive but shouldn’t have been able to drive. So maybe he was like 40. So yeah, maybe I’m like 24 at the time. Somewhere there. 24. You get a phone call from him, your younger brother. Yeah. Saying mom’s been shot. What goes through your head in that moment when you get a call like that? What went through my head was I knew exactly who did it. I knew what had happened. Like it’s, you know, one of the worst things that comes with growing up in a house of domestic abuse and a house where you’re dealing with an alcoholic is you become hypersensitive and You become really good at predicting things,

Trevor Noah’s Spidey Sense - Trevor Noah’s childhood experience with domestic abuse and alcoholism gave him a ‘spidey sense’. - He developed an acute sensitivity to predict negative events, like knowing when to leave a party before a fight erupts. - Even as a child, he could tell by the sound of footsteps whether his stepfather was drunk or sober, indicating the level of danger he was in. - This hyper-awareness was likely a coping mechanism developed in response to his unstable home environment. - This ability to sense danger proved tragically accurate when he received a call about his mother’s shooting, immediately knowing who was responsible. Transcript: Trevor Noah What goes through your head in that moment when you get a call like that? What went through my head was I knew exactly who did it. I knew what had happened. Like it’s, you know, one of the worst things that comes with growing up in a house of domestic abuse and a house where you’re dealing with an alcoholic is you become hypersensitive and You become really good at predicting things, you know. So, I mean, my friends know till this day, I’ll be the kind of person, I’ll tell you when we should leave a party before a fight breaks out. I’m never around for the fight because I can feel it. I can feel energy. I can feel, and not like woo-woo, like, no, I just start noticing people are not having as much fun as they were 20 minutes ago. And a few of the guys are stepping on each other and the ratio in the room has gotten bad and the music’s not connecting with people. I’ll just, I’ll be like, ah, it’s time to leave. And I think that from what I’ve understood in therapy and in working with people who do the research around this is children start to develop an acute sense. It’s like a spidey sense. You know, you hear the sound of a car and you know which car is bringing danger to the house. You know, I would know by the sounds of the footsteps whether or not my stepfather was sober or drunk.

Mother’s Shooting - Trevor Noah’s mother was shot in the head by his stepfather. - He developed a “spidey sense” from growing up in an abusive household, predicting the shooting. Transcript: Steven Bartlett Went through something that, again, really, really horrific, and you got a phone call one day that your mother had been shot by this man. Trevor Noah Yeah. Steven Bartlett And she’d been shot point blank in the head by this man. Yeah. How old were you then? 20s when this happened. Trevor Noah Let me think. No, I was in my, I was closer to my 30s because my younger brother was old enough-ish to drive but shouldn’t have been able to drive. So maybe he was like 40. So yeah, maybe I’m like 24 at the time. Somewhere there. 24. You get a phone call from him, your younger brother. Yeah. Saying mom’s been shot. What goes through your head in that moment when you get a call like that? What went through my head was I knew exactly who did it. I knew what had happened. Like it’s, you know, one of the worst things that comes with growing up in a house of domestic abuse and a house where you’re dealing with an alcoholic is you become hypersensitive and You become really good at predicting things, you know. So, I mean, my friends know till this day, I’ll be the kind of person, I’ll tell you when we should leave a party before a fight breaks out. I’m never around for the fight because I can feel it. I can feel energy. I can feel, and not like woo-woo, like, no, I just start noticing people are not having as much fun as they were 20 minutes ago. And a few of the guys are stepping on each other and the ratio in the room has gotten bad and the music’s not connecting with people. I’ll just, I’ll be like, ah, it’s time to leave. And I think that from what I’ve understood in therapy and in working with people who do the research around this is children start to develop an acute sense. It’s like a spidey sense. You know, you hear the sound of a car and you know which car is bringing danger to the house. You know, I would know by the sounds of the footsteps whether or not my stepfather was sober or drunk. Just by his footsteps, I knew. By the way he would close or open a door, I would know whether to be on edge or not and so when I got that call everything in me let go like it was it was one of the most still is sort of like a painful Memory you know is is like the first thought I had was damn it it happened I thought it would but not like this, but it happened.

Managing Emotional Reactivity - You can’t control your emotions, but you can choose how you react to them. - Practice managing emotional reactivity in low-stakes situations. - When you feel a conversation getting heated, try to stay quiet and breathe instead of immediately jumping in to diffuse the situation. - Trust that others can resolve things themselves. - This allows you to step back from the role of protector. Transcript: Trevor Noah You know, I think emotions, you don’t really have a choice about your emotions most of the time, but you do choose how you react or how it affects you. And so what I’ll try and do is genuinely, sometimes I’ll be, even in a conversation, I practice it when it’s low stakes. I’ll be with friends and I can feel the conversation getting heated and I can feel someone’s going to say something that’ll hurt somebody else. And then what I’ll practice doing is just keeping quiet and breathing. Whereas what I used to do was I would jump in immediately. I would jump, I would interrupt. I’d interrupt, you know, and I’d be like, oh, did you guys see the, and I would diffuse and I’d find a way. And I was very good at it. I still am. But now I’ll just breathe and I’ll be like, well, let’s see where this goes. I know my friends are not going to hit each other, but I now breathe and go like, it’s not my job to protect everybody. And so I just try and breathe through the feeling and

Hyper-Empathy - Trevor Noah developed hyper-empathy, becoming acutely aware of others’ feelings to protect his mother. - This hypersensitivity is a gift and curse, affecting his comedic abilities and personal life. Transcript: Steven Bartlett Happened? Yeah. What is the cost? Because you described that spidey sense, it almost sounds like a gift. And the interesting thing, to some degree, it can be a gift. Yeah, it is a gift. I think every gift is a curse. And I think every curse is a gift. And what is the curse that comes with the gift? Trevor Noah So the curse that comes with it is, I exist in a space where I am too aware of how other people feel. Know? And as I’ve come to understand it, what happens to a lot of children who are in abusive households is they develop their hypersensitivity as a tool to protect the parent because they Start, in the same way you were saying with your dad, why is he just sitting here? What happens in a household of domestic abuse is a child goes, oh, my parent does not know when danger is impending. And so I then need to be on alert for them. Because if they don’t know, then I need to be alert. And if I’m alert, I can keep everybody safe. And so you develop that acute sense. You develop, you know, your nervous system doesn’t rest. I would sit in a room and I would, the people and I still have that. I have to like, I now have to practice letting that go. And so part of it is probably why I’m a good comedian, but it’s like learning when I want to use it and when I don’t. So learning when to ignore it. Do you have a choice? Yeah, you do. You definitely do. You know, I think emotions, you don’t really have a choice about your emotions most of the time, but you do choose how you react or how it affects you. And so what I’ll try and do is genuinely, sometimes I’ll be, even in a conversation, I practice it when it’s low stakes. I’ll be with friends and I can feel the conversation getting heated and I can feel someone’s going to say something that’ll hurt somebody else. And then what I’ll practice doing is just keeping quiet and breathing. Whereas what I used to do was I would jump in immediately. I would jump, I would interrupt. I’d interrupt, you know, and I’d be like, oh, did you guys see the, and I would diffuse and I’d find a way. And I was very good at it. I still am. But now I’ll just breathe and I’ll be like, well, let’s see where this goes. I know my friends are not going to hit each other, but I now breathe and go like, it’s not my job to protect everybody. And so I just try and breathe through the feeling and see how it turns out. Sometimes I even do it as a game to see if I am right, because sometimes you’re predicting what one of the outcomes and it may not be the outcome. And I then trust that they can also resolve things themselves. And that’s probably one of the hardest things is as a child, because as you said, you’re not understanding how your father’s a prisoner on this chair getting berated. And I, as a child, am going, I don’t understand why my mother doesn’t understand the danger. Why doesn’t she leave? And why is she even getting into a conversation with this man? He’s not sober. Why is this happening? Many children experience this. And then you then go, this person cannot protect themselves, so I have to do it for them. And how did you try and do that? Sometimes I would just disrupt anything. I I could disrupt a conversation. I could find a way to, you know, sort of like…

Grieving Before Death - Trevor Noah describes the feeling of waiting for news about his mother after she was shot in the head. - He says it felt like forever, waiting for the inevitable news that she was dead. - He grieved her as if she was gone, crying and thinking about raising his brothers. - Noah’s brain spun, thinking 10 years ahead about where they would live and what they would do. - He was surprised by the experience of grieving someone who hadn’t died yet. Transcript: Trevor Noah And so that moment, even when you say the word, you do find out or go like, no, what felt like forever was us waiting for the inevitable news that my mom, our mom was dead. That seemed like the conclusion. I mean, I’ve watched movies, you’ve watched movies, someone gets shot in the head and it’s over, you know? So that was a, yeah, that was me grieving. It’s a very strange experience to have because I grieved somebody. I grieved the loss of my mother, but then she didn’t die. But I completely grieved her as if she was gone. Like I genuinely, I cried because she was gone. I didn’t cry because she was hurt. I didn’t, I was like, it’s over.

• Note: .starred

Grieving Before Loss - Trevor Noah describes the experience of prematurely grieving for his mother after she was shot in the head. - He assumed she would die and went through a full grieving process, imagining his future without her. - This included thoughts about raising his brothers and becoming the head of the household. - When his mother survived, his perspective shifted, and he now cherishes every moment with her and others in his life, aware of life’s fragility. Transcript: Trevor Noah That seemed like the conclusion. I mean, I’ve watched movies, you’ve watched movies, someone gets shot in the head and it’s over, you know? So that was a, yeah, that was me grieving. It’s a very strange experience to have because I grieved somebody. I grieved the loss of my mother, but then she didn’t die. But I completely grieved her as if she was gone. Like I genuinely, I cried because she was gone. I didn’t cry because she was hurt. I didn’t, I was like, it’s over. It’s finished. Every thought ran through my head. I was like, wow, I’m raising my brothers now. I was like, okay, I guess now I’m the head of the household. It’s amazing. Like my brain spun and every day I was already now thinking 10 years ahead. I was like, oh man, okay. Where, where are we living? What are we doing? How’s this going to work? And you know, where’s my little brother? And what do I tell him? And how do I, you know? Steven Bartlett In that moment, you must, you’re so interesting because you get to see in that most horrific way, the fragility of the most important relationship in your life to come out the other side And realize how fragile that, because, you know, when you talked about our parents almost being these like presidents, you also live under the assumption that they’re always kind Of going to be there yeah and in that moment you got to see that that’s not that’s not guaranteed yeah and that curse ended up being one of my greatest gifts because from that day onwards Trevor Noah I have never seen my mother the same way. You know, I’ve never, like I, every time I look at her, I’m grateful that she exists. Every time I hold her, I, like I hold her like it’s the last time. She even like pushes me off sometimes.

A Miracle - The bullet missed vital parts of his mother’s brain, described as a miracle by doctors. - She recovered, altering the trajectory of Noah’s life and increasing his appreciation for her. Transcript: Steven Bartlett Me. So. He didn’t go to prison. No, no, he didn’t. How does

Trevor Noah’s Mother’s Miraculous Survival - Trevor Noah’s mother survived being shot in the head, which he considers a miracle. - The bullet’s trajectory was unusual: it entered the back of her skull, missed the brain stem and spinal cord, exited through her nose after being deflected by her cheekbone. - Doctors called her survival a miracle, refraining from surgery and focusing on stopping the bleeding and closing wounds. - Noah’s mother, a religious woman, attributed her survival to God’s protection, a belief that reinforced his skepticism while simultaneously highlighting the importance of questioning. Transcript: Trevor Noah That’s where we have to go, miracle. And that’s where we still joke till this this day you know because because my mom’s very religious i grew up very religious but very skeptical of of religion or anything really and i was Taught to question ironically by my mother you know my mother taught me to question um she still questions things she doesn’t she doesn’t like follow blindly so so i think i was in this Position, and I think many of us were aware, I’m seeing what I think is the end. The doctors are saying to me, we’re going to try what we can, but it looks terrible. And then we find out that the bullet entered the back of her skull went through her head and then exited it like it it shattered it went it basically missed the bottom of the brain you know Went went past the um you know the spinal cord all the way through and then hit her cheekbone which then deflected the bullet and then went out of her nose. So it like cut off a little piece of her nose, but the exit wound wasn’t as bad as it could have been. And yeah. And the doctors couldn’t do anything. So there was no brain surgery. There was no opening of it. It was just stopping bleeding, closing wounds, and now praying. And the doctor was the one who said miracle. And he said, I hate this word because I’m a man of science and I’m a doctor. He said, but this was a miracle. He said, this shouldn’t have happened like this. And then my mom was like, yeah, of course. Of course it’s a miracle. And of course this is how it was going to happen. She’s like, you know, my Lord protects me.

Trevor Noah’s Complex Emotions Towards His Stepfather - Trevor Noah experienced a range of emotions after his stepfather shot his mother. - These included fear, rage, helplessness, and shame at not protecting her. - As a child, he sensed his stepfather wasn’t a good man, a feeling validated by the shooting. - He highlights the complexity of domestic abuse, noting abusers aren’t always ‘bad’ but can be charming and wonderful at times. - He struggled to reconcile the good and bad sides of his stepfather, who brought both joy and pain. Transcript: Trevor Noah I have experienced every emotion because, I mean, fear was the first one. The idea that this person could take away, you know, the life of someone who arguably I loved the most. Then like rage, helplessness, even like shame, feeling like I didn’t protect her. Like I because I knew from the beginning, you know, and I talk, literally I talk, I write about this in the book. My grandmother would tell us stories of how, cause she had the best memory in the family. She would tell us stories of how when I was young, when my mom first met my stepdad, she, like I was saying to the family, I was like, this guy’s great and everything, but I don’t think this Is a good idea. I don’t think he’s a good man. I don’t think we should trust him. Like I was saying this as a child, you know. And the one thing that I think confuses people sometimes when it comes to domestic abuse is that we think of it as a binary. You know, so people go like, how can these bad men live these lives? But they don’t, we don’t realize that oftentimes the moment of bad is a, you know, is the explosion. But everything around it is charisma and charm and jokes and, you know, and I laughed with this man most of my life. You know, I had some of my favorite experiences with him as a human being. When he was wonderful, he was the most wonderful human being you’d ever meet. And it took me a while to understand how to consolidate those ideas, how to resolve the fact that somebody who you love, someone who treated

Trevor Noah’s Childhood Feelings About His Stepfather - As a child, Trevor Noah had reservations about his stepfather, sensing he wasn’t a good man. - His grandmother would later recount how young Trevor expressed distrust, foreshadowing future events. - He felt conflicting emotions due to the stepfather’s duality: charming and joyful at times, yet ultimately the source of immense pain. - After his mother’s shooting, Noah experienced intense anger directed at himself, his mother, his stepfather, and the system. - He navigated waves of anger, pain, anguish, and fear, processing these emotions through therapy and conversations with his mother. Transcript: Trevor Noah She would tell us stories of how when I was young, when my mom first met my stepdad, she, like I was saying to the family, I was like, this guy’s great and everything, but I don’t think this Is a good idea. I don’t think he’s a good man. I don’t think we should trust him. Like I was saying this as a child, you know. And the one thing that I think confuses people sometimes when it comes to domestic abuse is that we think of it as a binary. You know, so people go like, how can these bad men live these lives? But they don’t, we don’t realize that oftentimes the moment of bad is a, you know, is the explosion. But everything around it is charisma and charm and jokes and, you know, and I laughed with this man most of my life. You know, I had some of my favorite experiences with him as a human being. When he was wonderful, he was the most wonderful human being you’d ever meet. And it took me a while to understand how to consolidate those ideas, how to resolve the fact that somebody who you love, someone who treated you with respect and joy in some moments was Also the person who brought you the most pain. So I definitely, anger was like a big one for me. I thought everything, anger at myself, anger at my mom for staying to the point that that could happen, anger at him, anger at the system for not protecting, anger just everywhere. And then anger dipping into pain and anguish and then, you know, crying it out and then being angry again and then being scared and then just going through waves and waves and waves of That.